Hers and All Downs-2-

-2-

"No! don't deprive me of my friend" screamed Fancilos at her mom while her mom was looking at everything else but painful Fancilos. week ago, Fancilos family went to shopping. Fancilos went wearing her friend coat as usual. "Believe me, I'll leave you soon my friend" talked to the coat again. Nothing has caught her eyes like a beautiful cutie Doll in the shining window shop. She never saw any thing as beautiful and pure as that doll. Somehow Fancilos saw herself in depth. all the elapsed months she was saving money to buy something unknown yet. "That's what I was saving money for!" astonished Fancilos. She quickly walked in to buy the doll and ran with joyfulness.
"Other kids will love me because I have a doll now" looking at her doll "is that how it feels when you hold a doll?" she put her coat off. "Finally, I got a friend. See my pretty toy!" she started singing to her Doll.

Happiness couldn't leave the little Fancilos face at that weekend. She was playing with her doll secretly and then she hid it beneath her bed. Fanci is the first part of Fancilos name and the name given to her Doll. School days started. Danger began. She isn't sure about her cruel mom's reaction yet! She's afraid thinking what will happen to Fanci if she left her alone. "I'll hide her somewhere safe although" thought Fancilos "No! I'll take her with me to school". School doesn't allow dolls and toys for nine years old students but she decided to take the risk. With a lot of consciousness and fear of loosing the first friend she chose in her life. She sat at the class looking around. She left her coat home because she doesn't need to be hidden anymore. Julie suspended her. "hey freaky fat" laughed Julie and her friends. Fancilos didn't care so much this time. She felt safe with someone although this one isn't human. At least it's something wouldn't refuse her and forcedly would see how nice and kind she is! Fancilos was thinking all of this and smiled the world saddest smile ever looking to Julie "yes?" "She said yes" laughed off meanly Julie and friends "you are funny fat hahaha, what you hold in there?" Julie gripped Fancilos bag and opened it. "Don't open" it's too late for Fancilos to ask. "A doll? It's beautiful " said Julie continuously " but can't you find a fat doll like you" looking to her friends and loudly laughed. " leave her alone" screamed Fancilos. "Not before I show it to the teacher" ran away Julie with the little Fanci. Fancilos stood up to run. "I can't, I can't run in front of them" frozen desperate Fancilos looking down to her desk. "Is it fair or…?" sat down with no courage to complete the same recurring Question.

"It's nothing short of abandon hope!" Fancilos is reasoning whys "why should I be frightened? It hurts! It hurts! It's just above my bends". Aloud voice echoing from the stairs. "Fancilos" called the one and only troublesome teacher "c'mon to my office". With cumbersome steps she walked to the teacher office putting her tiny hands on her rapid beating heart. This time isn't a fear of being hurt. It is a dread of loosing Fanci!
"So, you bring a doll, ha?" the teacher voice is breaking the cerebration. "Where is Fanci?" asked Fancilos a question heading out of her trauma land "Fanci! Where is she?"."What? Your doll?" asked the teacher "well, it's in safe place. The question is why did you bring it?". The hard answered question dawned upon Fancilos. She started talking to her mind whether she should tell the teacher or not. They said you can't trust a one but a friend." Mine is with her!" thought Fancilos "it's similar to hell what I'm going through. A doll! It may look for them but for me it's a pretty friend I can cry on". Thoughts kept coming and going just like agitated volcano in her head. "Can I have a doll in heaven?" asked Fancilos with wild eyed heading to her teacher the most shocking question she ever heard. Her amazed teacher replied "of course!" continuously "I'll give you back your doll but NEVER bring it again, understood?". Fancilos doesn't reply because she simply didn't understand yet! Fanci was back to Fancilos who was still thinking of her teacher response. "Of course I can have a doll in heaven? Then, this must be Hell!" cried Fancilos on her knees "I'm a child. Why should a child live in Hell?" throwing her doll "why?". A moment of thinking interrupted the all whys she asked "I am a child? Am I?".

After an endless school day as usual, Fancilos is home with the same long face she put everyday. A home was supposed to be her HOME but it's the most hated place she went to always instead. "How was your day Fancilos?" asked mom. Fancilos wanted to cry off that moment but she kept herself from that "fine, we had the first cla…" "Whatever" carelessly replied mom hitting Fancilos head "change your clothes and have lunch". Her mom headed to the kitchen. Fancilos went to her room in which she was setting beside the unopened window and cry along. Exhaustedly she slept with smiling Fanci squeezed between her hands. Snoring Fancilos was suddenly hit and fell down. Her mom came to call her to have a lunch but she didn't hear. Darkest clouds hid the small room of happiness left in Fancilos's heart when she saw her mom holding Fanci. "A doll? Since when I allow such damn things in my house" shouted mom. Out of sudden, Fancilos wailed loudly trying not to think that mom will take Fanci away. Fancilos mom started kicking her harder and harder "This stupid thing won't stay anymore here. Get lost now smartass cow!". With pain kept killing Fancilos inside. It got deeper and deeper till she pulled out her messed hair "No!!! Don't deprive me of my friend" Hopelessly said "I bought my friend!" screamed Fancilos hoarsely to her mom while her mom was looking at everything else but painful Fancilos.

Being unheard was what Fancilos used to be. She went to the unopened window crying. She sat there paining and put her head down struggling to reach near her knees. "You?" talked Fancilos to her cold coat which most likely knew she will come back sooner or later "it turns out to be you and me at the end always" she hit the ground with her gripped hand repeatedly and looked downer than down "I hate you my friend!".